Thursday, December 4, 2014

Anatomy of a Parenting Fail

7:15am: Temporary nanny arrives at our house so that we can show her the ropes before we entrust our child to what is essentially a (23-year-old) total stranger.

7:20am: Realize that said 23-year-old total stranger is probably more qualified to take care of our child than we are when she already knows how to use every single baby apparatus in our house.

7:21am: Watch as my child gently caresses the nanny's boob and realize that (1) she knows where food comes from; (2) she is not picky; (3) I'm just a walking milk keg.



7:25am: Realize that we should probably leave our contact information for the nanny in case she needs to reach us. Frantically scribble phone numbers on the back of an envelope, which is the only piece of paper I can locate on short notice. 

7:30am: We're supposed to be leaving the house, and I've misplaced my water bottle (on the stairs; why? who knows).

7:31am: I've now left my phone upstairs.

7:33am: My phone is in hand, but I now realize that my wallet and keys are upstairs.

7:35am: I realize that we should probably leave a spare key for the nanny, go back upstairs to retrieve it.

7:39am: Kiss baby goodbye.

7:40am: Make it to the car, whereupon Mark declares that we're not as late as he was expecting (implying that but for my disorganization we would have left on time at 7:30am).* Thanks, honey!

*Update: Mark took umbrage at the idea that he implied I was disorganized. He claims that he thought we'd be later explaining things to the nanny. I think Mark just likes to take umbrage.*  

8:10am: Arrive at the office.

9:10am: Head to the "mothers' room" for the first milking... ahem, pumping... of the day.

9:12am: Commence milking.... ahem, pumping.

9:13am: Think to myself, you should text the nanny to make sure everything is okay.

9:13:30am: Tell myself, do not be that crazy parent and text the nanny.

9:14am: Reconsider... well, maybe you can text the nanny this afternoon to make sure that everything is okay. After all, if you don't text the nanny, she might think that you don't care about your child.

9:14:30am: But if you text the nanny you're implying that you don't trust her. Don't text the nanny.

9:15am: You know what, it's okay to text the nanny. This afternoon. It shows you care. It's her first day! It'll be fine.

9:16am....

Realize that I left the piece of paper with the nanny's phone number on it on my nightstand.

Realize that I have no way to contact the nanny except via the SitterCity email thread.

Realize that I have just left my child with a 23-year-old total stranger whom I cannot easily contact.

#parentingfail #facepalm



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