Thursday, April 30, 2015

Five Years

Five years ago today, I became a resident of the city of Seattle. Five years, gone by in the blink of an eye.

It's hard to believe that I've been living in this beautiful, temperate, brilliant, and ambitious city for half a decade.

It's hard to believe I ever lived anywhere else.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Napa Day 2: Giving Zero F*cks

What happens when Mandell-Rice sisters go to Napa? We go hiking, naturally.
Today, we trekked out to Armstrong Redwood Forest in search of steep hills and big ass trees. We found both. On the way there, however, we also found GF crackers, GF donuts, about a pound of cheese, and fig and apricot paste. All of which was delicious.

Napa Day 1 Recap/Day 2 Intro

Day 1: Important Moments
  • Jenna arrives to meet me at the rental car pavilion as I'm signing the paperwork for our rental car. She feels compelled to take this extremely unflattering photo of my back in order to show her boyfriend that I have to get on my tiptoes in order to effectively sign on the countertop.
Fuck you guys.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Napa Day 1: Mark is an a**hole

Last night, in anticipation of leaving my sweet baby girl for three days, I made Mark swear that he'd call me ASAP if anything happened. He laughed at me, so I got a little bit tearier and whinier and he capitulated, as he's wont to do when I get a little teary and whiny.

So I land in Napa a little before noon, and like the good spouse that I am, I texted him to let him know that I was on the ground. The following is the text message exchange that ensued.


As I said, Mark is an asshole.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Prelude to Napa

Back in December, my sister, Jenna (famous for her squeamishness about poop - both the substance and the word), was desperate for a vacation. Her Big Law job was sucking her dry, and she was itching for a few days tethered only to a smartphone instead of a desk.

Never one to let my sister suffer (unless, of course, I'm the one inflicting the suffering for my own amusement), I volunteered to go on vacation with her.


"Golfing" on the White House putting green circa April 2010.
Jenna still has annoyingly perfect hair.
Hand to God, it looks like a shampoo commercial constantly.


Wednesday, April 8, 2015

A Runcible Blog Post

One of the fascinating things about becoming a parent is realizing just how incredibly dirty and innuendo-filled children's books and entertainment actually are. Things that blew right past me as a kid are now cause for much immature and frequently hysterical laughter. Mercifully, right now Avery is far to little to make the connection between the words I've just read and my total inability to continue reading coherently. She just thinks it's funny that I'm laughing. This window is rapidly closing, however, which means I need to figure out a way to get my shit together and be a grown-up in short order.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Seagulls in the Chimney

Did you read that title and think to yourself, "what the actual fuck?" Yep, that pretty much sums up the reaction we had about two weeks ago as we were sitting in our living room, waiting for Avery to wake up from her nap, when we heard a most unfortunate sound spewing forth from our fireplace.



Conversation came to a dead halt. Our heads whipped around simultaneously. Exorcist-style. I blurted out: "Oh my god, there are fucking birds in our chimney," at almost the exact same moment that Mark looked at me bug-eyed and said "is that a fucking seagull?"