Prelude to Napa

Back in December, my sister, Jenna (famous for her squeamishness about poop - both the substance and the word), was desperate for a vacation. Her Big Law job was sucking her dry, and she was itching for a few days tethered only to a smartphone instead of a desk.

Never one to let my sister suffer (unless, of course, I'm the one inflicting the suffering for my own amusement), I volunteered to go on vacation with her.

"Golfing" on the White House putting green circa April 2010.
Jenna still has annoyingly perfect hair.
Hand to God, it looks like a shampoo commercial constantly.

Our first idea was to go hike the Inca Trail in Peru, something Jenna very much wants to do and something that might not have occurred to me but now sounds extremely fun. By the time we actually looked into it though, trail passes for April, May, and June were already gone. Given that I would have needed to hand pump breast milk on the side of a mountain three to four times a day while surrounded by things like llamas and trail guides, it was probably just as well.

So instead of going on an epic five day adventure through the Andes, we decided to go on an epic three day adventure through the vineyards of Napa and Sonoma. You know, hiking versus drinking... six one way, half dozen another. We leave tomorrow morning.

Anyway, the point of all of this is that I'm planning to chronicle this trip for the blog. Please be advised that this should not in any way be viewed as a travel blog, because it won't be. It will be a chronicle of my anxieties, neuroses, and musings on a variety of topics, possibly including any or all of the following:
  1. The conflict between my strong maternal desire to never leave Avery for more than a few hours, and my strong desire to go day drinking with my sister.
  2. My inevitable overpacking.
  3. The fact that, despite overpacking, I will invariably wish I'd brought different clothes.
  4. The item that I really needed that I forgot (razor, phone charger, mascara, underwear), and my quest to find that item in the Foodie-verse.
  5. Trying to justify spending $$$ on a case of wine, hearing Mark's voice in my head, and failing.
  6. Walking away from the case of wine in a haze of moral superiority over my self-restraint... and deep regret. 
  7. Going to Mumm Napa, getting super excited about champagne, getting a headache, and kicking myself for drinking champagne.
  8. Sweating like a whore in church in what is predicted to be 85 degree weather in the clothes that I liked in Seattle but somehow don't like in Napa.
  9. Trying not to look at my work email and failing. 
  10. Trying not to constantly respond to work email and failing.
  11. Spending an hour waiting for Jenna to decide on which winery we should visit first, only to have her change her mind halfway there. 
  12. Calling Jenna out on her epic indecisiveness and getting punched in the arm. 
  13. Taking two luxurious pit stops in the course of the one hour and fifteen minute drive between SFO and Napa because there are no men in the car to bitch about it.
  14. Looking at Jenna's clothes and realizing that I like them better.
  15. Attempting to take selfies in which either one of us looks even remotely acceptable. And failing.
  16. Wondering how the fuck anyone ever takes a remotely acceptable selfie when I can barely manage to look passable in photos taken by other people. 
  17. Listening to Jenna snore.
  18. Listening to Jenna complain about how my snoring kept her awake all night.
  19. Checking out waiters (please God).
  20. Needing, and actually getting to take, a nap. In Napa.
Here are some pictures of Jenna and me when I was in college. You know, for shits, giggles, and perspective. 

The instant before The Slap.

The reaction shot.


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